We know that our fans are fascinated with the private lives and even more private secrets of the latest batch of American Idol contenders. Here at Wild Bluff Media, we have had our crack team of investigators scouring the archives, pulling medical records, bribing family friends, and diving in trash cans to bring you this breaking story (OK we spent about 20 minutes on the internet). We have dredged up all of those disturbing family secrets that these contestants would rather you didn’t see:
Stephanie Edwards : Fantasia
Hey, didn’t you win already?
Jared : Jared
Separated at birth, you decide.
And of course, Love her or hate her…
Antonella Barba : Horse
Neigh.
OR
Antonella Barba : Tera Patrick
Next Vivid Video Girl?
Brandon Rogers : Chia Head
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!
Sanjaya Malakar : Mowgli
Look for the bare necessities…
Sanjaya Malakar : Michael Jackson
Even scarier, all he needs is the white glove …
Chris Sligh : A Shrub
A little gardening my be in order.
Sabrina Sloan : Barbara Streisand
Yentl’s illegitimate black stepchild?
Phil Stacey : Nosferatu
Phantom of the Night (Dude and the hat doesn’t help)
Sundance Head : Heat Miser
Who was your father again?
Blake Lewis : Justin Timberlake
Boy Bands ‘R Us
Melinda Doolittle : DW
Arthur’s older scarier sister?
Chris Richardson : K’Fed : BritanySpears
They all have the same haircut.
Posted on: Tuesday, March 13, 2007
13 Responses to “American Idol: Separated at Birth”
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March 13th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Don’t forget to vote for Sanjaya Malakar!!!!
Im not one of those guys that does anything with a lot of ambition, but I think I finally found something I can get behind: Sanjaya Malakar.
I say we send a message to the world and make him or idol for the following reasons:
A) To teach the Religious Right that even a homo can be our idol.
b) And to prove an important point about outsourcing:
If we need to speak to a f’ing indian dude everytime our computer breaks down, then america will be forced to listen to this little queen for the next year…
March 13th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Hilarious. Man, I’d get a kick out of seeing Sanjaya win.
March 15th, 2007 at 6:59 am
That was harsh post. Hilarious but harsh. Although the Antonella = Vivid girl is probably right on the money for next year.
And that Britney photo seems to remind me of most of the guys that I know. Her career has officially ‘jumped the shark’.
March 15th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Jump the shark is right. At least we’ll always have the good ol’ years of Britney to look back on.
Although Antonella Barba swears she won’t be doing anything adult themed (seemed to imply she’d even avoid Maxim type things) I wouldn’t be surprised to see her break that promise. A lot of money is going to be thrown her way for that.
March 21st, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Funny post! A few of these were eerily close. Thanks!
March 21st, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Glad you enjoyed it Jason!