Tonight we are all ready in the box seats for Season 6 of Dancing With the Stars! As Walt pointed out in his preview, some of the men should be quite entertaining to watch. Penn Jillette, Adam Carrola and Steve Guttenberg could be duking it out for Best Comedic Performance. Adam could fool us all with some secret “Juggie Girl” dance moves that he picked up on “The Man Show”. Steve (Police Academy) Guttenberg should have no problems mugging for the camera, and he is LOVING his agent for this shot at media exposure. And let’s face it: Penn is big. Really big. He’s also really bright, though, which may help him memorize routines. Don’t forget that Penn is very tricky! If I were Mario, Jason Taylor, Christian De La Fuente, Adam or Steve I would not turn my back on Penn. A dude could end up in Transylvania.

Master Tom Bergeron and sidekick Samantha Harris open with Samantha wearing a lovely black ballgown with rhinestone accent on the center bodice. Highlights of last season flash by, and then… “We have Oscar, Emmy and Tony winners, Olympic Gold and Grand Slam champs!” 4 weeks to train for our stars and pros, and tonight we have “Macho Monday!” Dances tonight will be Foxtrot or Cha-Cha (Cha-Cha-Cha?)

Before the competition begins, however, we have a high-octane dance by the pros to “Let me Entertain You”. Men in black, ladies in skin and rhinestones. Everyone is working it HARD! The ladies don’t hold back, even though they will dance with their star guys very soon. Standing ovation by the audience! Well played, pros. All of the stars are introduced next, and line up with their partners. A quick pan down the line highlights Penn mugging with Kym, Adam faking that Julianne has a booger (classy!), a frankly rather frightening- looking Priscilla Presley- (run away from the plastic surgeon!), cute signs from Marlee Matlin, fierceness from Kristi Yamaguchi, and Steve Guttenberg looking great in white tie and tails. Big news from Master Tom: no elimination this week. Tomorrow night is ladies’ night, and everyone will dance again on Monday.

Up first are Penn and Kym. Great video package of Penn showcasing his magicianship and giantism. Penn acknowledges his shortcomings by referring to himself as “Sasquatch” and “Bigfoot”. Penn feels that his experience performing onstage will help him out. Kym cannot get over how tremendously huge Penn is! Penn and Kym are doing the Cha-Cha. Kym starts out wearing a huge red boa that she quickly wraps around Penn’s neck. Nice timing, Penn isn’t horrifying, and executes a cool seal-like slide under Kym. Penn is such a ham! He is definitely having a blast! He goof-boogies solo for a second before Kym perches on his knee for the ending. Penn pulls out a magician’s fake flower bouquet for Kym. Awwww. Sweet. Penn begins to tease the judges before they even begin to commence judgment. Judgment swiftly comes. Len says Penn captured the flavor of the cha-cha-cha, but there is a problem with his giant feet. Very entertaining, though! Penn blames Kym for any problems with the performance. It’s a joke! Remember, this is Penn. Bruno says Penn’s hip moves were more like hip-replacement moves. Ouch! Penn challenges Bruno to learn a card trick in 4 weeks. Yeah! Carrie-Ann says there was great energy and attitude- his 100% effort shows. I agree. She also highlights the very big problem of Penn’s enormous feet. Penn needs to watch his footwork. Scores: Carrie Ann-5, Len-6, Bruno-5. Wow. Kym isn’t too pleased, but surely remembers Adam Carrola is on the show.

Second to dance we have Jason Taylor, current NFL Man of the Year, and Miami Dolphin player. The Dolphins are thanking their lucky stars that Jason is on the show so at least one person on the team can win something this year. Jason will be in such massively good shape after his DWTS stint that he will SHAME those other fool teammates of his. Jason says he signed up for the challenge, it’s out of his element, but Edyta made him feel like the luckiest contestant on the show. Edyta thinks he is super sexy. Check that! Jason is a bit shy and worried about keeping up his macho image with his teammates. Dude- y’all were 1-15 this year! Tell them to bite it! They gave him a pink tutu. He made the mistake of wearing it to rehearsal while the cameras were rolling! Oops! Jason and Edyta are dancing the Foxtrot tonight, and are dressed quite lovely- he in midnight blue and she in a color about 3 shades lighter with matching gloves. They look really smooth, great posture! Jason is a little bit goofy looking a few times, but he is definitely bringing it. What a gorgeous smile! Great looking couple, these two. Judgment time: Len says Jason is great looking- it’s like Len is looking in the mirror! Really. Len comments on Jason’s great posture and elegant moves. Carrie Ann says she’s surprised! She thought Jason would be “rougher” because he’s a football player. Compliments his great hands. Bruno says Jason is the most graceful tackler he has ever seen. Fantastic posture. Needs to give it some more heat, but great. Backstage for scores, Jason says that if any teammates give him any lip for being on the show, he will point out the obvious benefits of spending time with Edtya. In your faces, losers! Scores: Carrie Ann-7, Len-8, Bruno-7.

Our third couple to dance tonight is 3 time People Magazine’s “Most Beautiful” winner Christian De La Fuente and 2 time DWTS champ Cheryl Burke. Pre-dance video reminds us that Christian is the super-hot Latin guy on “Ugly Betty” and is also in the Chilean Air Force! Dude is flying a fighter jet! He is for sure the new “Top Gun” in my book, as nothing about Tom Cruise is “Top Gun-like” anymore. Also, Christian wants to bring hotness back in his performance. I have absolutely no problem with that. Cheryl wants to three-peat. Christian admits he had no idea what he’d gotten himself into with DWTS. During practice, Cheryl tells him he’s a little “robotic”. Christian hopes that his Latino blood will flow to his hips during their Cha-Cha. They dance to “Bang-Bang” and they are truly banging! Christian is shakin his money maker as hard as he can. He’s a little flat on the feet, but definitely very exciting and , wait for it,…hot. Great timing on the ending! Pan of the star-ladies on the front row, and all the other females in the audience flushed with the overpowering desire to grab him and run for the exit. Judge time! Carrie Ann is having trouble speaking. She is mesmerized, and says there are sexy guys this season! She feels that Christian and Cheryl are well-paired, and have great charisma. Christian needs to straighten up his shoulders, but great job! Bruno says Christian was dancing like he was riding a bike. He says that Cheryl bangs, so Christian needs to bang too, and that he will be on top of him until he does. Yikes! Master Tom deftly cha-chas away from that one! On to Len: the hips were okay, the arms and posture need some work. Backstage Christian admits that DWTS is crazy difficult. True that! Scores: Carrie Ann-7, Len-7, Bruno-7.

Fourth couple up tonight are Adam Carrola and two-time DWTS winner Julianne Hough. She won Season 4 with Apolo Ohno, and Season 5 with Helio Castroneves.. Will she three-peat? I don’t think so. Julianne has a country album dropping in May with a single already out, and will be touring with Brad Paisley this summer. I think the producers have truly thrown her a bone with Adam! Julianne should have plenty of time to rehearse for her tour. Too bad, though, for those of us who think Adam is hilarious! He kills in his video package saying how wrong he felt for dancing with 19 year-old Julianne, and that he knows her dad will be watching. Adam says he feels so sorry that Julianne got stuck with him, because he is beyond horrible. Julianne says Adam talks WAY too much in practice, and needs to channel his energy from his mouth to his feet. Adam says the last time he was shushed by a 19 year-old, he was 18. Adam and Julianne are dancing the Fox Trot to “Mellow Yellow”. She, of course, is in yellow, and he has a matching yellow bow tie with his tux. They are taking it pretty slowly, Adam attempts some fancy footwork….poor Julianne. Lots of camp, though- Adam even attempts a high-kick! He has cheerleader hands, though, and he and Julianne don’t seem to be dancing to the same tempo at times. They barely make the ending on the same beat. Adam immediately makes grand attempts to fire the audience up, which work because he is such a GOOF! Judgment! Bruno says that if the Fox Trot were a person, it would be George Clooney. Adam is giving us Will Ferrell. Len says that Julianne has her work cut out for her, but that it was okay if a bit stiff. Carrie Ann is at a loss for words. So much to cover, so little time. She manages a “Keep Working”! She’s got nothin. Backstage, Adam is unabashedly begging for the sympathy vote, freely admitting how horrible he is. Poor Julianne. Just had to emphasize that again. Scores: Straight 5’s from all three judges. ARGH!!! Julianne looks ill. There is not a chance in hell of a three-peat.

Dancing fifth are Grammy nominated R&B singer Mario who is paired with Karina Smirnoff. Mario has some moves in the pre-dance video, and Karina says this year she’s going ALL THE WAY. I think she means it. Mario says when they first met, there was an instant “connection”. Karina says she hasn’t stopped smiling. Uh oh- MAJOR PROBLEM!!! Karina has a herniated disc in her neck and has to have surgery before the competition begins. Mario, a perfectionist, is worried. He soldiers on alone in practice, waiting for her return. Karina comes back in a neck brace, and Mario tenderly welcomes her. I think something is already up with these two. They are dancing the Cha-Cha, and it is HOT! Nice use of lite-rapping in the song, and they incorporate some smooth hip-hop moves into the dance. Good hips and rhythm! Mario looks quite comfortable on the floor, and is extremely into Karina. I cannot emphasize this point enough! Great ending , and lots of applause and a standing O from the audience! Wow! Time to be judged. Carrie Ann says “Dang, you can dance!” She is loving him! Len says great performance, great rhythm and hips, need to work on the footwork. Bruno says he really got excited! Yikes again! He calls the performance great, and agrees with Len on the footwork. Scores: Carrie Ann-8, Len-8, Bruno-8. 24!!

Final dance is Steve Guttenberg and partner Anna Treblinskaya. Steve starred in “3 Men and a Baby”, “Cocoon”, and “Police Academy”. He is a huge fan of the show. Anna says she makes her students listen to her, not the other way around. Steve is a brilliant student: committed, dedicated and willing. Steve thinks he is a thoroughbred. Anna, not so much. She says his brain understands but his body doesn’t always get it. Steve gets her to admit he is getting less horrible every day. They attend a pro competition so Steve can see what he needs to dance like. Steve loves everything about all of everything. He is really quite endearing, and looks fab in his white tie and tails. Anna is wearing a truly heinous outfit, a gold dress with pewter satin gloves and a turquoise chandelier on her neck. Blech! This is the first truly fug costume of the season by a mile. They are dancing the Fox Trot tonight. Steve has really big, big hands! He is having a blast. Nice jump, Steve! Man his hands are BIG! Good footwork, and a cute wave and a wink at Len and the audience near the end. Great faces, the happiness is absolutely pouring out of Steve! Standing O! Steve is verklempt. Wow! To the judges: Bruno says Steve put his heart and soul into it- was a bit in the”Billy Ray (Cyrus) camp”. Put more drive into it! Carrie Ann really liked it! Steve is adorable and charming. Watch the musicality because next week is Latin week. Len says Steve was the first one who looked like he was truly enjoying himself! Steve has infectious charm. Work on technique, but a great performance. Backstage waiting for scores, Steve has such a great attitude! He says he hasn’t had this much fun in years, and is SUCH a fan of the show. He has a special reason for competing this season, it is his parent’s fiftieth anniversary. Steve feels like DWTS is such a positive, uplifiting show. I really hope Steve sticks around, because he is just so darn HAPPY!!! Scores: Carrie Ann-6, Len-6, Bruno-6.

So, the judges rankings from top to bottom are:

1) Mario and Karina
2) Jason and Edyta
3) Christian and Cheryl
4) Steve and Anna
5) Penn and Kym
6) Adam and Julianne.

Cheer up, Julianne. You’re 19 years old with an album about to drop, and a smokin’ hot summer tour with Brad Paisley. It will be okay.

Welcome Erin to Wild Bluff Media! She’ll be covering everything from Idol to celebrity chaos.

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