Tonight we are back to find out who makes the American Idol Season 7 top 10 and the tour, and who is the one going home. Last night, my bottom three were Kristy Lee Cook, Chikeze, and Ramiele. I have no confidence that any of these will actually leave- but I am PRAYING it is Kristy Lee Cook. KLC has psyched me out before, so I am not answering my bookie’s last-minute calls.

Ryan enters to more teenage screaming. “It’s gonna be a great show full of filler and pimpage, pickled implants and more craaazy questions from America, live on the phone”. Gak I hate the questions! PLEASE, 19e, make this part go away. You can conjure up SOMETHING to replace THIS time-waster that makes us all look like drunk-dialers. Ask Steve Jobs if that i-fridge is ready yet. Paula could really use it to hide her cup.

Randy still looks tired. Paula’s in a brown mumu, and it’s a black shirt night for Simon. Take a drink, ye who are playing. Ryan reminds us of the fabulous mentors the Idols have this year: Legend Dolly Parton, Superdiva Mariah Carey, Composer and now “Lord” Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Neil Diamond who is actually cooler than you younger ones might think. Buuuttt, “Are YOU a great mentor, America?” ‘Cuz last year over 25,000 songs were submitted in the songwriting contest for the Final Swan Song of Dread. The Top 20 were voted on by 2.5 million people. And what fantabulous song did we get?
“This Is My Now”. (crickets). MY theory: Idol middle-management gave all the deluded wannabes waiting in the stadiums some busywork to kill the time. Maintenance saved as many as possible from the dumpster, threw darts and picked 20. If my paranoia is misplaced, you have until March 31st, America. Please do NOT run with the big dogs if you are a mere purse-puppy.

Lets get this mother over with. It is Group Sing time! The Idols are in casual-hippy tonight, except Chikeze in a Charlie Brown sweater. “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” with Archie leading out, joined shortly by Jason and David Cook sitting onstage. Chiki and Michael are on the stairs, and so far all is pretty tolerable. Michael sounds loads better than last night and Chiki is not bad either. Fairly seamless segue into “Here, There, and Everywhere” led first by an off-key Brooke micro-solo. Ramiele joins her, and Brooke turns into a giantess. Is it too late for some Human Growth Hormone for Rami? I’m just sayin. Shopping has to be a bitch. Carly, Syesha and Kristy Lee add in, and still- not too bad! All-girl swaying, mercifully brief.
Everyone in harmony starts “Because the World is Round, it turns me oooooon” (”Here, There, and Everywhere”). Floaty, Psychedelic fuzzy, flirting with muzak, but the harmonies and solos are a lot better than previous Group Humiliations. Amanda leads out the ending- “The love you take is equal to the love you make…” Take note, producers, no dancing can be a GOOD thing. Much less humiliation potential, and, let’s face it, the choreographers suck. This cuts the cheese (!) factor down considerably. The end.

Ryan reminds us that the votes are in, and someone is out. Flashbacks from last night: Carly’s heinous negligee/shirt, and her spank by Simon for giving him the bird flu. Syesha singing and Randy’s relieved praise. Kristy Lee with Simon suggesting electro-shock therapy. Sunny, Babbling Brooke- without commentary. The second (harmonica) half of Chiki with Randy trying to grasp at country song possibilities, Ramiele and Simon’s mistakenly thinking Chiki is still on harmonica, and lastly Prince Archie’s comeback, featuring enough lofty praise to pacify his brutal stage-daddy for another week. Time to get eliminating.

Brooke is not in yellow tonight, and is still insisting she is totally awkward. She said she was out of her zone last night (WTF!). She looks worried. Relax, Sunshine, you are safe. Off to the velvet couch of relief. Carly is called out next, and looks totally chill. Guess what, Carly- Bottom 3 for you! Shockwave throughout the Idolship. Why is Carly here? A) Last night’s hideous sleeveless negligee, B) She got ANOTHER tattoo, or C) America’s lazy ass didn’t vote cuz they figured someone else would. Answer: All of the above. Carly perches on one of the silver stools of shame. She is SO not worried. But she’ll play along. Screaming for David A, as Ryan pointlessly points out. No drama here, Archie is safe. Run for the couch and into Nanny Brooke’s arms! Michael Johns is next, and admits he is worried. He defends his song choice from last night, he loves it and would do it again. Gotta love that conviction! Ryan gives some silent drama, and then confesses that Michael is SAFE! He is beyond relieved. But who will join Carly on the remaining 2 stools of shame? America will have to wait through this week’s Digital Short Ford Pimpage. All of the Idols are in the video, making a video. They have been teleported back in time to the fifties ? David Cook is in classic 1920’s director garb. Complete with knickers, a beret and a megaphone. Jason and Archie are on stools holding fake flying saucers attached to fishing poles. The premise is an alien encounter while driving in the car. David is REALLY into the director role, chasing the other Idols around with his megaphone, and looking frankly geeky! At least we know that David doesn’t take himself so seriously, and can let the producers show his nerdy side. Which I like, by the way- Anyone who likes words like David does is always okay with me! Everyone is freezing between takes, and then the “video within a video” begins. “Should I Stay or Should I Go”. They totally cheese up and massacre the punkness of this song. It is a crime, I say. Mercifully, it ends.

Back to the REAL reason we are here, PLEASE! David Cook is called out, replay of Simon calling him “smug” last night. Ryan asks if David has a reaction to the slam. David is NOBODY’S fool. He says “I don’t.” SMART! To the sofa of safety for David!! Top 10! Kristy Lee Cook is slinking out to Ryan. He asks how she though she did last night, she says she thought it was her best. Great. No surprise, KLC heads to the Bottom 3 stools of shame. She thanks Ryan. (?). Precious Jason is now out with Ryan: No drawn out drama, TOP 10! Whoooop! Aggies everywhere are STOKED! Vote for the Worst has nothin on the Aggie Voting Block. Ramiele next. She looks extremely ill. She can only talk in a baby voice. I think she is shaking, and I’m concerned she may pass out from the drama. Rami is safe. Thank God we’ve avoided an onstage nervous breakdown. Oh, crap. It is Questions phoned in from America time. Simon gets a question on why he makes so much money and spends it on cars instead of clothes. Simon is beyond annoyed with this drunk-dialer, and says it is a very rude question! He doesn’t have an ego, stupid American. Surely you can see THAT. Simon doesn’t think about what he wears beforehand, and the grey/white/black rotation works just fine for him. He’d rather drive a million-dollar car. Next question is for Paula and Simon: Would they ever consider filming a sequel to the “Kiss Skit” from season two. This is an easy one. Hell, yes Simon would! Because Paula is a very good kisser! Ryan urges them to practice now. Not gonna happen. Ramiele gets a question! What is the last song she downloaded onto her i-pod? Oh my gosh, what a total pimp plant. She is totally shocked at having to ad-lib, but admits it was R. Kelly the pedophile. Question for Michael Johns? Has your experience been all you imagined? He says it is stressful, admits to the buzz that he peaked in Hollywood, and is just really glad to be here. Michael is taking politician lessons from Archie!

Kellie Pickler is up to perform. Ryan points out that Kellie “has grown in many ways”. Hahahahahaha! Implant joke!! Ryan is not above it. Montage of Kellie, ending with her saying she has a way better day job now, she doesn’t have to roller-skate at Sonic anymore, and she can afford some dang perky new “girls”. She is living her dream. She sings “Red High Heels”, dressed in a red version of Marilyn Monroe’s white dress from “Seven year itch”. She is REALLY twangin it up. I think a bit of Overtwang, myself, and I live in Nashville. I don’t think she’s wearing a bra. What’s the use of havin’ em if you don’t show ‘em off! Sexy Teasing of Simon, and Randy is nodding along with a frozen smile. The end. Supertwangarama. No one in Nashville takes Kellie seriously, and would be embarrassed to admit if they did. We are SERIOUS about our music here- all genres, and it is a town where you have to pay your dues, unless you are Carrie Underwood.

“Idol Gives Back” update. This was awesome. Fantasia and Elliot Yamin go to Africa to hand out desperately needed mosquito nets. Thousands of people die of malaria every year, and this simple fix will save tons of lives. Truth. The best part: a village tradition is that when they have important visitors, children born during the visit get named after the visitors. Elliot is next to the bed of a new mama and adorable newborn boy. She is naming him Elliot. Elliot is SO overwhelmed and touched. He is crying, I am crying, I would watch this for hours. Elliot is crying and jumping around outside the primitive hospital shouting that he is a godfather now! He is beyond ecstatic. Hey, if we must have filler-how about we eliminate the drunk-dialers and spend more time seeing the good that “Idol gives Back” is doing. I promise it would be better for PR. April 9th for this year’s “Idol Gives Back”.Give till it hurts.

Back to the elimination drama. Syesha is called out, no big pre-reveal talk, Top 10! Sye runs with relief to the lounge of safety. Amanda and Chiki are now together with Ryan. Amanda’s in the bottom three. Why? A) No room on the tour bus for the Harley B) Brooke has her hands full already with being Ramiele’s mom and Archie’s nanny, and can’t be expected to keep an eye on Amanda too, or C) America is a haughty people who think they are better entertainers than Amanda (see the stadiums full of auditionees). Answer: All of the above. So Kristy Lee, Carly and Amanda are perched on the stools of shame. Carly, of course, is safe. Amanda or KLC. DAMNATION!!! KLC has punked me AGAIN! Amanda’s going home. Relief hugs all over the velvet safety couch. There goes all the fun. Montage of Amanda’s Idol journey, and then she rocks us out again with “Back in the USSR”. The “you don’t know how lucky you are” part has taken on poignant new meaning for Amanda, and she revs it up for the safety couch. Brooke is pouting HARD like Amanda has a boo-boo. She was SO looking forward to the challenge of trying of straightening out Amanda. Amanda is okay, though, and in her post-boot interview on Fox News, she is really very cool with the decision. She never thought she would get this far, and it has been a hellofa trip. She rides off into the sunset on her hog. I am truly sorry to see the craziness end. Someone will REALLY have to pull something out of their hats to fill her always entertaining shoes. So this is your tour, America. David Archuletta, Brooke White, Michael Johns, David Cook, Jason Castro, Ramiele Mulabay, Syesha Mercado Chikeze, Carly Smithson and damn Kristy Lee Cook. Male America just couldn’t turn down that offer of getting “blown out of their socks” . Hopefully, she will go next week and spare us from any more FAKEOUTS!

Welcome Erin to Wild Bluff Media! She’ll be covering everything from Idol to celebrity chaos.

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