Well, whataya know, our fave little knocked-up teen is 17 today! One more year before you can vote! Yay! You can bring little Caysie Jay into the booth and let her push the buttons!! Start ‘em young - that’s the Family Spears way! Jamie Lynn spent the evening hours last night shopping in the oh so chic Jaques C. Penne’ store in her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana. It was there or Walmart, y’all!

Jamie Lynn got the advance scoop that Kimora Lee Simmons has sealed a deal with J.C. Penney to do a new junior line called “Fabulosity”, and wanted to be first in line on the waiting list. Oh, please help us LORD. Kimora (music mogul Russell Simmons’ VERY recent ex and the designer of “Baby Phat”) has the taste of a C-list hooker. Kimora already has a Barbie that Mattel sells “dressed in a pink halter with Kimora’s KLS logo buckle belt, mini skirt and over-the-knee boots, topped by full-length faux chinchilla coat with KLS logo leopard-print lining.”

According to the press release, “J.C. Penney is the NUMBER ONE department store for teens” (who live in Kentwood). We’re gonna be seeing little Bratz wearing this fugly crap all OVER starting this summer. Now that Kimora can’t spend ALL of Russell’s Benjamins, she’s pulling a “Jaclyn Smith for K-Mart” to try and hustle up some George Washingtons. “I can’t wait to bring Fabulosity to the JCPenney Juniors customer! Young teen girls are fabulous and my new collection will further build their confidence as they head back-to-school” sayeth la Kimora. Nothing says “confidence” like having an idiotic made-up word like “Fabulosity” splashed all over your trampy clothes. Because it wasn’t on the GED, Jamie Lynn thinks anyone who made up “Baby Phat” must love teen girls who are fat with babies. Go for the whole collection, girl, it’s yo birfday.

Erin is a new writer at Wild Bluff Media! Welcome her with feedback and comments.