Welcome to the season premiere of The Bachelorette where formerly jilted DeAnna Pappas has a second chance to find love on national television.
We begin by seeing a recap of her time with Brad on the 11th Bachelor season. When she was dumped she considers it the worst day of her life. Now, however, she feels like the luckiest person in the world since she knows it will be a “fairy-tale ending.”
Next we get a montage of all 25 men. Whoa, it’s going way too fast for me. I catch that there’s a teacher, a dog-lover named Jeremy (who’s also really cute!), the Virgin Ryan, a single dad named Jason (to which they give an entire 5 minute segment), and another really cute teacher. DeAnna says she’s ready to make some good memories.
We go into an interview with Chris where DeAnna says she is the luckiest woman in the world (to which I strongly disagree as she has not met MY husband…) and she’s extremely excited. She believes in the show and her family is supportive, just wanting to see her happy. First impressions are everything tonight and she’ll know it’s right if she feels nervous…she wants the butterflies. What she wants is a guy who is caring, loving, and stands out in a crowd, plus a man who knows what he wants (insert demeaning Brad Womack joke here).
Without further ado…here’s the guys:
• Brian – high school football coach who looks like Jon Stewart.
• Paul – sales manager who gives her a spin to start their “first dance”
• Graham – a pro basketball player
• Sean – a martial arts instructor
• Rich – a science teacher who wants to share his campfire stories with her
• Jason – an account executive who learned some Greek
• Spero – a really creepy actor
• Jesse – a pro snowboarder with weird clothes and long hair
• Jon – a resort manager
• Chris – in medical sales and is really cute
• Brian – a network consultant who spins her and says, “Show’s over, I do!”
• Jeffrey – a really cute math teacher
• Don – a sales rep and she spins him!
• Ryan – a pro football player who comes off pretty weird
• Blaine/Twilley – a debt manager who creates a really awkward scene
• Ron – a barber shop owner
• Patrick C. – a financial analyst
• Luke – an oyster farmer
• Eric – a senior analyst who is Greek
• Robert – a chef who shows her some salsa
• Chandler – an insurance rep
• Greg – a personal trainer and the two have some cute banter
• Fred – a lawyer who’s cute, nervous, and seems sweet
• Patrick D. – internet marketing
• Jeremy – a real estate attorney who she really likes and wants to stick around
Chris explains that there are three first impression roses. Inside, the boys talk about how gorgeous DeAnna is. She comes in, says some friendly words, explains the three roses and gives the first to Jeremy which I could have guessed after their limo meeting. The other guys get really catty which is hilarious.
DeAnna goes around talking to people. The first steal of the season belongs to Jason who takes her away to talk and the other boys boo hoo. They talk about travel – they’ve both been to Europe – which leads to talking about family and how important it is to her. I hope he stays. Ryan shares a blanket and Spero throws him under the bus when he comes out to offer his jacket making Ryan look like an idiot. Next, she talks to someone about being divorced and emotionally mature, but it feels like she’s pulling teeth to get him to talk. Wish I knew which one this was.
Chris tells her he’s cheated before and Robert cooks for her (intimidating the others). Luke gives DeAnna a pearl necklace and explains he is only oyster farming until he starts teaching in the fall (history!) and puts the necklace on her. Robert swoops in with his crab martini, which she’s nervous to try, but then likes it. Other boys are like Oh crap. Donato is a cuss machine and really cocky. Jason teaches her to dance. DeAnna thinks they’re all doing these crazy things to get her attention.
Chris! I love Chris! He introduces Jenni from DeAnna’s season (the other finalist for Brad) and she’s going to help DeAnna tonight.
Jenni proceeds to interview tons of guys asking all these awkward questions and making them sweat. I love it. One guy even asks her to sit on his lap which is so tacky it disgusts me. Meanwhile, Richard has brought a Herkemer diamond (a crystal) which is dorky, but sweet. Eric is Greek and he and his parents want him to marry Greek. Jesse confesses that he didn’t research her on the internet (wow that adds a whole new level of creepy now that I realize these men probably all did that) for which she’s thankful. Sean karate kicks a lemon off Jesse’s head and almost makes him poop his pants.
Jenni and DeAnna deliberate and DeAnna asks Jenni for her top three. She sys Graham, Jason, and Jesse. Jesse gets the 2nd rose because she loved his personality. Greg interviews that he’s tough and will walk through fire, yadda yadda yadda. Chandler then duck calls DeAnna which is weird, and Brian shows her his abs and makes her feel them which is also weird. Paul steals, then jumps in the pool with his clothes on. He gets out and reveals his swim trunks (Speedo) that have DeAnna written across the booty. Nice. I think clothes come off BEFORE swimming, rather than after, but what do I know?
Next, DeAnna likes Graham because he’s her type and cute, they have a really good conversation, but the last first impression rose goes to the science teacher (!), Rich. He’s really happy and cute and I like his dorkiness.
Chris! I think Graham and Jason should get roses. Then he helps her deliberate asking all these questions. Ryan doesn’t get a strike, Jason’s easy to talk to, Eric is also because he’s Greek, Luke is sweet, Ron is serious but has no secrets (divorced guy), Chandler only left an impression of a duck call, Brian didn’t turn her on with the abs, Sean got her attention with the martial arts, Paul got her attention with the pool and she all in all feels like they’re trying a bit too hard. She ultimately trusts her instincts.
She thanks them all for coming and putting their hearts on the line. Let’s go, come on! Three are already safe, so 12 left.
1. Ron (serious guy)
2. Graham (she really likes him)
3. Eric (Greek)
4. Robert (chef)
5. Sean (martial arts guy) – I’m not a fan yet.
6. Ryan (virgin, God Squad)
7. Chris (don’t know much, but he’s cute)
8. Paul (pool guy)
9. Fred (I liked him when he got out of the limo)
11. Jason (dad)
12. Brian – Texas (looks like Jon Stewart)
Luke seems sad, but is cool and wishes her well. Chandler is pissed, but then he cries so I’m glad he’s gone. Greg cusses a lot and rips off his shirt, then gets all melodramatic and creepy. I’m excited for this season, can’t wait to see how it all plays out!
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