Wow, according to the opening montage, there’s going to be some Star-Spangled Banner singing at Dodger Stadium. Can’t wait!

We start with Chris explaining the rose situation: one per group date (so 2) which immediately causes safety for that guy, and one for the one-on-one date which, if not earned, causes the guy to have to leave. He also explains the living situation: the mansion is DeAnna’s, meaning the guys have to live in the guest house…in bunk beds, ha! No curtain on the shower, all nice and cozy. Since Jeremy, Richard, and Jesse all got the first impression roses, they get to move in with DeAnna and stay in the mansion. Well that’s fun. DeAnna says it’ll be interesting to live with three guys and the best way to find love. I, however, think the best way to find love is not to move in with three random guys each week, but what do I know?

When the first date box arrives, the mansion boys have to come down to read it together. Turns out it is going to be Jason, Ryan, Twilley, Sean, Paul, Fred, and Richard. “Do you believe in magic?” is what the card reads and they cut to Jeremy and Jesse in the hot tub wishing DeAnna well on her first date.

She interviews that this will be her first date since Brad (how sad!) and they will be going to an exclusive club that they will have all to themselves called Magic Castle. They go into a private room (which, isn’t the whole place private right now?) and the magician says DeAnna must help him with a trick. He asks her to pick someone, she says Jason, and they get stuffed into a box and “disappear” for some one-on-one time. The boys are dumbfounded which is hilarious and Jason and DeAnna talk about Seattle, Mexican food, how he lives with his younger brother, and how kids are really important to him, though he never mentions his own three-year-old son. Interesting.

The second date box arrives and we find that Graham gets the first one-on-one. They will be going to the shore to get “swept away” and the others tease him about having to get the rose to stay in the game.

Back at the club, Sean gets some alone time with DeAnna and his hideous suit. He wants her to get to know him but some random piano starts playing by itself and really actually mocks him which makes me laugh out loud. He’s a very cocky guy, so I’m somewhat pleased at this turn of events.

Another magician shows up with a trick deck. He asks DeAnna to point to a card, she does, he turns it over and oho! There’s a rose on it. Clever. Then, each guy gets up and shares a trick or in Twilley’s case, an entire monologue that they edit to seem like it takes an entire year. The guys all interview on Twilley’s motives being questionable.

Richard gets some one-on-one time and makes her this really sweet paper rose and steals my heart. Meanwhile, Ryan tells Twilley that he seems like he’s the only guy here not to win her heart. Twilley says that all he can be is himself when he’s with her and other than that, it just has to play out the way it’s meant to (which, he’s right). Ryan says he’s not genuine and has ulterior motives. I tell Ryan and Twilley to shut up.

Ryan has some alone time next and tells DeAnna that his purpose in life is to be “the exception” which he describes that he follows rules. I guess that makes me an exception too. DeAnna appreciates that he has goals and tells him she’s afraid she’ll corrupt him in a teasing way which actually translates into, “wow, this is really bizarre.” And he hasn’t even told her he’s a virgin yet! He then tells her his priorities are faith, family, and football, in that order, and pretty much guarantees a return trip home. Never tell a girl she’s not your first priority. Paul and Fred rescue DeAnna from the most boring one-on-one time all show while Ryan is telling DeAnna how annoying it is when the guys interrupt each other. Well played, my friends.

The time she spends with Paul and Fred is edited very much in Paul’s favor and she asks “tell me something I should know.” Paul says he is the youngest in the house at 23 but that he’s here for the right reasons. He’s been engaged already which is supposed to mean he is ready for marriage, but sends red flags flying in my direction. He also mentions that he’s only going to be married once and once he is, he’s in it for good. He asks her where she sees herself in five years and she says, “Married, with kids” which, oh my gosh! is so similar to his plan!

The rose card is now being magically turned into a real rose and goes to Paul (wow, I predicted that!) and he’s happy while Ryan and Twilley are pissed because they are already falling in love with her and I am happy because Paul is pretty normal. Now, Paul is showering naked and the boys are upset by this which surprises me because you would think they would place a higher price on personal hygiene. I guess not. I however, am happy, because it is always nice to know that a man showers.

Graham’s Date:
DeAnna interviews that she is “completely connected and intrigued by him.” She drives them to the beach and brings out a kite which they suck at flying. There are lots of laughs and we get a cut over to the third date box which is for Chris, Robert, Brian, Jesse, Ron, Jeremy, and Eric and come to find they are going on a baseball date. Back to Graham, they are talking about his last relationship which was recent, serious, but short. She asks if he’s ready to jump in and he says he’s never really been in love before. She tells him that that scares her and interviews that his only having one past relationship is a red flag because it makes her think he doesn’t know what he wants (a la Brad Womack). They are now sitting at a bonfire and she’s about three arm lengths away. She is really honest with him and tells him that she’s afraid he doesn’t know what he wants since he hasn’t had much experience with serious relationships. She wants him to tell her if he’s not feeling it. He monologues to her something that sounds really good and then they cuddle. I like them together until my husband points out that he never looks at her and then I’m curious. He gets a rose.

Twilley is now talking to some guys about how he’s concerned that DeAnna doesn’t have an accurate perception of him. He goes up and waits at the mansion for her to return from her date with Graham and tells her he’s excited to get to know her and that there’s another side to him than the crazy side. It would stink if they couldn’t explore the connection. I’m creeped out because he basically stalked her.

The boys grill Graham and he tells them they kissed. The boys are now scared of him while I am scared of Twilley.

Baseball Date:
Dodger Stadium! Tommy LaSorta comes and the boys are floored. He lectures them on believing in yourself and pep talks them on how to play the game that is The Bachelorette. Ha! I am loving this because he is a coach pep talking men on love. They start with the National Anthem and we only see Chris do it because he sucks and we’ve known it’s been coming since the beginning of the show. He doesn’t know all the words and Tommy LaSorta teases him big time. Then, they do a home run derby where the winner gets alone time with DeAnna. They each get ten swings. Ron does really well (gets 2 home runs), as does Brian. Jesse gets one and then Jeremy gets six! Obviously he wins and then thanks DeAnna for the first impression rose and tells her he’s shy, which is why he’s been quiet living in the mansion. She asks him if he’s close to his parents and he says he was which she asks “why ‘was’?” in a hoity toity voice and then he tells her they’re both dead and she feels like crap. They have a really good conversation after that because now they have something in common (her mom died when she was 12 if you forgot).

Next, Eric has 1-1 time and she finds out he played soccer in high school, and then he talks about all things Greek and bores me and DeAnna to tears. Brian is next and DeAnna wants to find out some negatives about him because he’s so optimistic and happy. He says it’s taken him a long time to figure himself out, but that he’s really good at self-reflection and knows what he wants out of life and love. Good for him, I like him.

Jason talks to his kid back at the bunk house and tells the other guys about it.

Tommy LaSorta pep talks DeAnna about picking the right guy which is hella cute and she borrows Jeremy which we all think means he’s getting a rose. They go to this private room which turns out to be not-so-private as their time gets shown on the jumbo tron and he receives the rose! Hahaha! The other guys’ egos deflate and the date ends with a picnic and fireworks.

Cocktail Party:
The boys are mad that Jeremy gets to spend more time in the house (because I think the date roses mean they move in) and that he said, “Welcome to our house!” when they all came in for the party. I laughed when he said that because it was cute, but hey what do I know? The boys (Ron) tell her she should have spread out the roses and she snaps back that they should mind their own business and trust her judgment (thank goodness). Twilley steals for some more creepy time (and I find out that my husband doesn’t like him). Ron jumps down Jeremy’s throat for getting more house time to which he says it’s her decision and they should honor her wishes. Then he steals DeAnna and makes out with her.

Jesse interviews that when one guy is on top, others are only looking to bring him down and I like him because he’s down to Earth and doesn’t get on Jeremy for being a good guy and being rewarded for it.

Ron is looking forward to being married again and having kids then blathers some more and I don’t like him. There’s a push-up contest with alone time as the prize and Brian does 96 while Jesse does 98. Wow. DeAnna asks him if he’ll ever move away from CO to which Jesse replies he is doing the pro snowboarding thing while he’s young so that when he has a family, he can move away and be a good husband and dad. He’s excited about that prospect because his dad was a good dad, but was a trucker so they didn’t see him much.

Rose Ceremony:
Paul, Graham, and Jeremy are safe, she thanks them for putting their lives on hold.
1.Ron (blech)
2.Jesse (yay!)
3.Robert
4.Brian
5.Jason
6.Fred
7.Sean (boo)
8.Richard (woot!)
9.Twilley (stop being a stalker!)

Eric, Chris, and Ryan leave and they all do so in a very weird and creepy way. Once Twilley, Ron, and Sean are gone, all my favorites are left! I’m excited to see what happens next week!

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